WHY!
by DarkxPrince
Summary: There was one thing that she wanted... no, needed to know. This desire burned deep within her, turning to hatred and obsession. But she wouldn't stop, not until she had her answers.


"WHY!"

It was such a simple question. One that she always considered yet could never answer. All of those nights that she stared up at the ceiling of her bedroom; all those nights that she asked herself why the person she admired so much had left her. Why? Why? Why had she had been abandoned… discarded… _betrayed_? Why would the person she _loved_forsake her? What possible reason was there for her to be left behind? Had she not trained hard enough? Had she been deemed too weak? But had she not proven her strength when she was assigned to the squad commander's personal guard? Or had her feelings been so hidden that her commander never saw them?

_Kouki na manazashi_

_Hanayaka de utsukushi sugata_

She still remembered the first time she saw her future commander. It was when she was but a girl, still going by the name of Fon Shaolin. She remembered staring up at the princess of the Shihouin Clan and commander of the _Onmitsukido_… Shihouin Yoruichi-sama. It had been like staring at a goddess; that day she took the name Soifon and was sworn to protect the princess. Regardless of the fact that every member of the Fon Clan joined the _Onmitsukido_,regardless of the fact that she was part of the ninth generation to protect the Shihouin Clan, regardless of the fact that she was the youngest of six siblings… she trained and trained to prove herself worthy of protecting Yoruichi-sama. Even after her five brothers were killed on their missions, she never stopped training.

Yet, she was ashamed to call them family… ashamed of their weakness, and as such didn't give it much thought. In hindsight, it may have seemed cruel to do so, but protecting Yoruichi-sama was her life… it was the duty of the Fon Clan and those who couldn't were cast out. Months flew by and years melded together, she didn't stop getting stronger… she didn't stop proving that _she _was worthy of serving Yoruichi-sama. She swore to herself that she would prove her strength and make herself known to the one she thought a god.

_Sono ue tsubanuketta tsuyosa_

_Maru de kami no yo_

How old had she been when the commander interrupted her training session? Did it matter? Did it matter that the commander beat her with but a single move? No, because the commander had asked for her name. _That_meant more to her then she could ever describe. The fact that her commander took notice of her caused feelings she had never thought to well up in her. She had always admired Yoruichi-sama, yet these emotions she was feeling were nothing like that. She always knew she greatly admired Yoruichi-sama. But then, who wouldn't admire '_Shunshin_', or 'Goddess of Flash',Yoruichi, the commander of the _Onmitsukido _and captain of the Second Division of the Gotei Juusantai? Everything about Yoruichi-sama, whether in combat or not…. it was all graceful, like a cat. She was frighteningly strong and Soifon found herself wanting to be like her.

_Subete mo mochiawaseteiru_

_Suhai subeki watashi no kami_

_Subete osasage anata wo mamotta hibi_

Her training paid off, and seven years after she joined the _Onmitsukido _that she was brought forth to join the commander's personal guard. By that time, she knew her feelings were well past admiration and bordering on worship. It filled her with such great joy, not that she would ever admit that out loud or allow it to show. She started to doubt that she only worshiped Yoruichi-sama. The emotions within her chest swelling with pride and, dare she say it at the time, love… that she didn't know what to think. But she did know one thing, her desire to protect Yoruichi-sama only strengthened. That desire may have been what all Fon clan members were taught from an early age… it may have been the same oath that she took when she joined Yoruichi-sama's personal guard… but it didn't matter to her. Because that oath it meant so much more to her, much more then she could ever describe.

_Mayoi mo naku tatakai no sanaka_

_Demo watashi wa kofuku datta_

No matter where she was, whether in battle or in training, as long as she was by Yoruichi-sama, she was content. She upheld her oath, certainly to a higher degree then anyone else within the guard. And yet… on one mission, she nearly disgraced herself and everything that she had trained for. It was just she and Yoruichi-sama facing against a couple of low-level Hollows; it was simple enough. Or at least it would have been… if one of the Hollows hadn't caught her off guard and prepared to devour her. Even though all she saw was the gaping maw of the Hollow… still she knew it was Yoruichi who had saved her, for who else could it have been? She had been protected when she was the one who was supposed _to_protect. She was filled with such a sense of disgrace… she hadn't been strong enough and needed saving. She immediately tried to apologize for her weakness… but Yoruichi-sama would have none of it. Yoruichi-sama assured her that it was nothing, yet this reassurance did nothing to sooth her. Despite the strength she had acquired over the many years of training, she was _still_ too weak.

She set out to correct the problem, training until either her body wouldn't move or the sun had risen over the horizon. She swore to herself that she would become strong enough that Yoruichi-sama wouldn't need to protect her. It was beneath the sakura trees, where she had been training that Yoruichi-sama caught her off guard; joining her and helping to instruct her. Nights passed as she became Yoruichi's apprentice… her protégé, always by Yoruichi-sama's side. It was on one of those training nights, as Yoruichi rested against her lap, that she realized that her feelings had far surpassed those of simple admiration and worship. She didn't know what it was that she was feeling… only that it was beyond happiness. It was also that same night, as Soifon ran her hand through Yoruichi-sama's hair… ideally noticing it almost felt like a cat's fur, when she had mumbled to herself about how she would always be by Yoruichi-sama's side, that Yoruichi responded with a "yeah, it's a promise".

_Kono kata no tame ni shinoutou_

_Nandomo nandomo tsuyokutokoro ni_

_Chikaitsuzuketa_

It shocked her… took her a few seconds to realize what had been said and when it did, she could honestly say that had never felt so happy. Nothing in her entire life caused her to be so happy as she had been on that night. Her chest so full of emotions and a sense of warmth that she had never experienced before… or perhaps, she had and it was only greater in intensity. She didn't know whether Yoruichi-sama had heard her or was simply saying something in her sleep… but it didn't matter to her. It made her so _happy _that she wanted to burst out into tears. That one sentence filled her with warmth far beyond anything she could have possibly felt before. All of that training must have paid off. How else could she not only become the head of Yoruichi-sama's personal guard but, also, attain the rank of _fukutaicho_ of the Second Division of the _Gotei Juusantai_?

She was so content, that she never wanted it to change. She never wanted it to end and she certainly never wanted to stray far from Yoruichi-sama… until _that _moment occurred. It was so sudden; Yoruichi-sama simply vanished. There wasn't even a farewell letter. Her heart had been broken; she could feel it shatter like glass into hundreds… maybe thousands of pieces. Her thoughts wandered back to that night under the sakura trees… _they_ had _promised _that they would always be together. Yoruichi broke this oath... this _promise_… the person she admired more then any god had left her. IT HAD CLEARLY BEEN A BETRAYAL! The next day she was promoted to _Taicho _of the Second Division and Yoruichi was named a kill on sight criminal.

_Watashi wa jitsuyoshi nukumi_

_Kisama wo noroi saeshita_

_Are hodo mo sonkeito shinai wo_

For the next hundred years she trained, the feelings of loneliness and betrayal slowly turning to hatred. Many times, she found herself in the same clearing, under the same sakura trees, staring into the sky, wondering why it was that Yoruichi had betrayed her? Wondering, why it was that she had been left behind? Was it because Yoruichi had thought she wouldn't agree to go with her? Questions filled her mind and she screamed up into the sky, asking the same question over and over again yet knowing that she would never get an answer. More often then not, she would spend the night under those sakura trees, the salty tears running down her face as she let it all out.

The more time she spent under those trees, the more she felt ashamed of herself. Something within her snapped and her feelings for Yoruichi were suppressed. She was filled with a hatred and anger and it filled her up inside. It was all she could think about, revenge against the one that betrayed her. As she trained, her mind cursed Yoruichi, even cursed herself for whatever strength that she lacked. With that self loathing, she strove past the point of exhaustion, knowing that no matter what she did, it was never good enough. The image of how strong Yoruichi was burned into her mind and she knew that she was never going to be strong enough to beat Yoruichi. The only goal on her mind was to obtain the strength needed to capture Yoruichi.

_Uragitta kisama wo_

_Yuruse wa shinai_

And the moment presented itself when Kuchiki Rukia was scheduled to be executed. The Central 46, the highest commanders and 'rulers' of Soul Society, ordered Rukia to be executed because she had given her Shinigami powers to a human. When this same human with Shinigami powers, Kurosaki Ichigo, came to Soul Society, every division was thrown into chaos. A _Taicho_ being murdered,_Fukutaicho_ attacking _Fukutaicho_,_Fukutaicho_ attacking their _Taicho_… it was complete chaos with no knowledge of who to trust and who to fight. Ichigo managed to save Rukia from being executed but when Soifon pursued them, as it was the Second Division's task to capture criminal Shinigami; Yoruichi engaged Soifon and the battle she had forever dreamed of, ensued.

She used all of her strength in the battle; she threw everything she had to prove that she was the stronger one. But it still wasn't good enough! No matter what she did, Yoruichi countered each and every one of her moves. But WHY! She had trained for over a hundred years! She should be stronger then Yoruichi! Yoruichi should have gotten weaker! So then, why was Yoruichi still better then her?! Hot, angry tears poured down her face and she charged forward, intent on proving she was stronger. Yet, even her strongest attack was easily countered by Yoruichi. The hard truth of reality, slammed into her, breaking down her will and all of her ambitions. All of her ambitions shattered just as easily as her heart had been so many years ago.

_Itsuka kanarazu_

_Kisama oboete_

_Watashi no te de toraete yaru no da_

"Why?" She could already feel the tears falling down her face. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE ME WITH YOU!?" That question was burning deep in her heart. It burst out bringing her to her knees as all of the emotions she had been bottling up inside spilled forth. She didn't care that she was weeping in front of the person from whom she so desperately wanted affection. It didn't matter anymore… nothing mattered anymore. Even as she cried, she could feel Yoruichi wrapping her arms around her shuddering form. She could hear Yoruichi's voice whispering soothing words into her ear, even as she buried her face into Yoruichi's neck and her arms around Yoruichi's waist, holding the older woman as close to her as physically possible.

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Yoruichi never wanted to leave Soifon behind. She knew how much her ex-subordinate… admired her. But what choice did she have? Yoruichi knew what the consequences would be when she rescued Urahara Kisuke after he had been falsely accused of illegal experiments. She knew Urahara well; she and Kisuke had been childhood friends, often training together in an underground cavern that Urahara built himself. When she learned that Urahara had been accused of turning Shinigami into Hollows, she immediately knew something was wrong. She had a feeling that Kisuke may have been framed; he had a love for creating new things but to go that far? She knew Kisuke would never do that. So she set out to rescue Urahara and learn the truth of what happened

The thought of bringing Soifon with her had crossed her mind, but could she force a life of exile on the young woman? Yoruichi couldn't bear to make that decision for her young _fukutaicho_, nor could she force something like that on her. So she left. She couldn't leave behind a note or letter. Yoruichi knew that Soifon would only try to seek her out and join her if she did. Had she made the right choice? Did she do more harm than good to Soifon by simply disappearing without a trace? Only now, looking down at Soifon's weeping form, could she answer that question. Only now, as she took Soifon into her arms and held her tightly, did she admit it to herself. Only now, as she whispered into Soifon's ear, did she truly understand the affect of her decision.

Yoruichi ran her hand through Soifon's short, silky hair, closing her eyes and whispering, "I'm sorry… Soifon." She could feel Soifon's body shudder harder as the sobs increased, and this only caused Yoruichi to hold her tighter.

"Yoruichi-sama." It was barely a whisper; she was surprised she heard it at all. Yet even though it was so quiet, Yoruichi could hear all of the mixed emotions in the younger woman's voice. It tore Yoruichi's heart open.

"Shhhhhh, my little bee. I won't leave you this time." It was a simple sentence, yet it caused Soifon to break out crying once again. Only this time, it was happiness which brought forth the tears. Yoruichi could literally feel the warmth that spread throughout Soifon's body and it seeped into her own body, filling her with a similar warmth. And she promised herself, a promise that Yoruichi didn't plan on breaking again, that she would protect Soifon just as the younger woman had promised long ago. But more importantly, she renewed the promise she made under those sakura trees, _"I'll never leave your side, Soifon, never again."_

* * *

Yes, this is a rewrite of the one that I did before. Personally, I think that this came out much better then my first one. The song that I used is called "Uragiri" from Rock Musical Bleach No Clouds in the Blue Heavens. If you're wondering what the translation of the snong is go onto Youtube and look up the video "No Clouds in the Blue Heavens - Part 4 - SUBBED" posted by andromeda881. The song starts at 5:48 and runs through to 8:28. Of course, I recommend watching their entire fight since it's just that good.

Yes, I made Soifon vice-captain of the Second squad. I know that it's not likely that she was, but since we don't know how the vice-captain was at the time, I figured that Soifon became captain one way of another. Having the position of vice-captain seemed like one of the best ways to me. Again, I know, you don't have to be a vice-captain in order to be a captain, but it worked for the story. Other then that, there isn't anything else that I can think of to say, except I hope you enjoyed it and please leave a review before you leave.


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